Today, I learnt that I care too much about other humans compared to myself.
Well, that is just terrible! How dare I care for the loved ones in my life? I am one unselfish person, I should be ashamed of myself! All jokes aside, the truth is that I care more about the feelings of others and choose to put myself last, even if it comes at a cost to my life. I continually choose to sacrifice myself instead of taking things away from others.
Every since my last anaphylactic reaction, I have been very conscious of my food consumption. I wouldn’t focus on calories or anything like that but I would wait until I arrived home to eat something that I can make and be certain that nothing bad can come from my choice of eating food. I don’t want to put my loved ones through the worry and pain that comes with my sudden reactions. I would rather starve to death instead of eating food that may result in an anaphylactic attack.
Thinking back to my anaphylactic reaction, the moment I felt that something wasn’t right in my body, I turned to my mum and said “sorry” while tears began to well up in my eyes. I hated the uncertainty and minimal control that I could give to my parents each time that my allergies take over.
The guilt, that I may hurt the people I love, washes over me every time that I want to try something new. Or when I go to a new restaurant. Or when I go to a friend’s house and forget to tell them about my allergies. Or when I am home alone eating. Who knows, in any of these situations something drastic could occur and my allergies may take over my life and cause undue anguish onto my family.
But I can’t control everything.
The bottom line is that life goes on and time continues whether you feel it or not. So, in future, I will have some rules in place. I will be more vocal about my allergies by telling all individuals that need to know about it. I will make sure that I have taken all precautions such as having any medications as well as EpiPens that may be needed. Lastly, I will make sure that I have a phone nearby if it is needed as the paramedics are here for a reason and I am not bothering them by calling up.
My allergies have been a scary part of my childhood and will continue to be as I move into adulthood, yet they will no longer take over my world.
Do you have any detrimental allergies that affect your life? Do you have any more tips to help me work through this guilt and fear?